I’m not sure I am.
You know Jeff Foxworthy’s show, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,” right?
Squirrels may be smarter than 5th graders.
2 weeks ago “my” squirrels (all squirrels live in the same square mile their whole little lives) knocked down the multi-opening feeder one two many times, so I hung it on metal hanging wire, with a caribiner.
It stayed in the tree, so one of them unscrewed the top. I could see his little teeth and claw marks. I fixed that.
They can’t get in the top: so they chewed out the plastic perch/openings — you know, the ones the birds need rest on to eat from? Two out of 5 of those was flung on the ground, riddled by tooth and claw.
We put out the one with the metal perches. It’s smaller and you have to fill it more often, but they can’t totally destroy it. So far so good.
The plastic “dish” style feeder? They knocked it out of the tree It fell upside down, They chewed a hole in the bottom of it to get to the seed.
That one was replaced with a hanging wooden version they can’t quite tip — on a caribiner. (When squirrels figure those out, I am screwed.)
I could go on. It’s an ongoing project, me and the squirrels and the bird feeders. My dad used to despise squirrels. I always understood why he was annoyed: because they are problem solvers and WILL get to the bird food. We are all sad the “Yankee Squirrel Flipper” wasn’t invented while he was alive. That would have filled him with glee.
What I never understood until now was the depth of his anti-squirrel passion. I get it now. I love my birds. There’s a fantastic little wild kingdom that includes painted buntings, cardinals, finches, and above them all a pair of hawks and a pair of kites. I’m not feeding squirrels.
This week, I am a little smarter than a squirrel….for awhile.
But, knowing what problem solvers are squirrels, how resourceful and persistent — imagine the alarm to learn on the news this morning that a meth addled squirrel is out in the wild in Alabama.
Think about that for a minute. A meth addicted squirrel. How would that happen?
Well, a meth addicted Alabaman created that little monster TO PROTECT HIS STASH.
Picture that squirrel.
The police were warned about him, and were prepared. And yet they let the squirrel go.
Somewhere in the urban jungle, somewhere in Alabama is a squirrel coming down off meth. Do NOT approach that squirrel. Take cover. Throw bird seed at him if you have to. His eyes will be red and his little claws will be shaking.